Nicole (trasdockan) wrote in bisexual_world,
Nicole
trasdockan
bisexual_world

But he's a boy!

I see myself as a lesbian. I love women. I have nothing against men really, but after living for 22 years without finding a guy that I found even remotely interesting I just decided that I had to be gay. Then I met this guy and now I don’t know anything anymore.

I know him through a close friend and high school buddy of mine, Emma. I don’t know him very well, we met for the first time in April and have met about five times in total. We’ve never hung out alone, when I’ve seen him it’s always been together with Emma and some of her other friends.

Since the first day I met him I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him. I want his attention. I want him to think I’m smart and funny and laugh at my jokes. His eyes are amazing and I don’t even usually notice eyes!?

I don’t think he likes me. I’ve never been in a relationship so I suck at these things, but I don’t think he does. When we hug it feels very awkward, it’s like he’s standing as far away as possible when hugging me. I don’t think he would hug me like that if her were attracted to me? Although he hugged me a little bit better the last time I said goodbye to him. Maybe he just doesn’t like to hug people he doesn’t know very well. God, look at me analyzing hugs! It’s incredibly pathetic, I’m sorry.
We held hands one time when we were drunk, but he held hands with Emma as well so I don't think it meant anything.

Also, he thinks I’m a lesbian and only jerks hit on lesbians. And he definitely isn’t a jerk. He’s a socialist and a feminist and just a very nice guy. He himself is bisexual so he should be understanding of what I’m going through.

I just want to get to know him to begin with, but I don’t know how. I can’t ask him out for a coffee. I just can’t. It would be too weird. Also we don’t live in the same city (it takes about an hour with train from my city to his) so that makes things even more complicated.

I don’t know what to do. Maybe I should talk to Emma about him? It’s funny because this is way harder than when I told her I liked girls. I don’t even know why. It just is.
Some advice would be really appreciated!
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